So if you have been following along here on the blog, you know that Porter has to go for a sleep study in July because of his enlarged adenoids, tonsils and possible sleep apnea.  And if you have been seeing the posts on the blog Facebook page you may know that Porter got a big ol’ red check mark on his visual acuity exam for preschool.

Yep.  That’s right.  We have never, ever noticed that Porter had any sort of eyesight issue so when we signed the permission slip allowing Porter to have a free vision test at daycare, we didn’t think there would be any issues.  Well apparently Porter’s sight is weak in his right eye.  So we need to take him to an eye doctor to get him checked out.  That happens next week.

Full disclosure:  I’ve never been to the eye doctor.  Neither has Aaron.  But I will be making an appointment for myself at Porter’s visit. Because I’ve never gone to this sort of doctor, I’m not sure how best to prepare Porter for the experience.  Any advice?  I’m fairly certain the account of what happens at the optometrist’s office in the story Magenta Gets Glasses is a bit inaccurate (I will bet that Porter’s doctor won’t be a robot named Eyeleen.)

But our medical adventures don’t stop there!  Porter woke up with a crusty, goopy eye this morning.  He has had a cough for a few days and we thought it was nothing more than a cold-related eye infection like he had last winter.  I figured that we’d go to the doctor, get a prescription for eye drops and be good to go…

NOT. THE. CASE.

After being ear infection free for over a year (16 months!) the pediatrician discovered that Porter has an ear infection.  AND CONJUNCTIVITIS!  The left ear and the left eye are infected.  If his eye hadn’t been irritated, I would have never known about this ear.  He was exhibiting no other symptoms that would have led me to believe that there could have been an ear issue.  So glad we got to the doctor early and got him started on antibiotics.

So between his 36 month well check-up, his x-ray, his ENT visit and today’s sick visit Porter has had four medical appointments in about three weeks time.  And we know that between now and the end of July he will have an eye doctor visit, a visit to re-check his ears, a visit to the dentist, an overnight sleep study and then a sleep study follow-up with the ENT doctor.  AT LEAST.  I’ve never been so grateful for health insurance.  And I am very glad that all of these issues seem really minor and that we are catching a lot of these things sooner rather than later.

It is hard to believe that this is my FOURTH Mother’s Day!  I had to work today (only for a few hours) so we did most of our celebrating yesterday.  It worked out well since the weather on Saturday was absolutely beautiful!

Here is a run down of what we did this weekend.

Saturday:

• I was up before 6am and went for a “run.”  I am trying the Couch to 5k (C25k) program again (first time this year, third try overall!)  I started again a few weeks ago (I was brave and didn’t restart, just started where I left off in September) and it is going well.  And by “well” I mean I haven’t died.  I walk when I am supposed to walk and run when I am supposed to run–even on the hills (OMG does Pittsburgh have a lot of hills!)   I listened to the Beastie Boys the whole time and tried a little variation to my usual route, taking time to just enjoy the beautiful morning.
• Aaron and Porter took me to DeLuca’s for breakfast.  It was our first time and we went early to avoid the line (we were there by 8am and only had to wait five minutes to be seated!)  I sat where Tom Cruise sat.  Hope I didn’t catch Cruise Cooties.

• After our incredibly delicious and fun breakfast, we walked around The Strip District and Farmer’s Market.
• We did some shopping.  I bought some new clothes for work (nothing fancy–remember, I cover things with paint for a living.)  I browsed through stores by myself while Aaron took Porter for a bit.  For the first time in ages, I just went to a shoe store and just looked around.  Talk about a leisure activity!
• We then went to Lowe’s because I had requested that my Mother’s Day weekend include weeding and mulching the front flower beds of our rental property.  We bought mulch…exciting, I know.
• We then went home and I GOT TO TAKE A NAP.  It was glorious!!!
• After that, I weeded the front flower beds while Aaron kept an eye on Porter.  Not glamorous, but something I had been wanting to do without trying to watch Porter at the same time.
• We had dinner together at home and then went out for ice cream!
• Porter gave me some handmade cards from daycare.  Here’s one: 

Sunday:

• I got to sleep in– ’til 6:45.  Not much, but it still counts!
• Aaron and Porter gave me some very sweet cards and a gift card.
• Aaron and Porter did all of the grocery shopping.
• Aaron did all of the laundry while I TOOK A NAP!  YES, TWO NAPS IN TWO DAYS!!!
• Aaron bought wine to go with dinner and a brought home an ice cream pie for dessert.

This weekend was really spectacular–mostly because this was the most relaxing weekend we have had in MONTHS.  It was nearly work-free (I only had to go in for an hour today.)  It was just so nice to spend time together–having fun, enjoying each others company.  We have had dinner together for five days in a row–a record given what the past few months have been like.

I know that some women probably want fancy stuff for Mother’s Day, but I’m not one for jewelry or mani/pedis.  I just wanted time to do things that I don’t normally get to do–like browse through stores I can’t afford to buy things in.  Or get some things done without having to keep a preschooler out of trouble.  Or sleep!  I wish that I had realized that when I was a kid–that the best gift I could have given my mom was time and space for her to do what she wanted without having to worry about us!

Our life these past few months has been incredibly hectic–for Aaron especially.  Aaron and I have been working together since February but actually hardly see each other.  While I am painting scenery at the scene shop during the day, he is at his regular job teaching, advising students and running an academic department.  Then when I go home to be with Porter, Aaron goes to the scene shop to build scenery into the night.  And we took turns working weekends.  And I worked all Easter Sunday.  And Aaron had to be at technical rehearsal on Porter’s birthday.  All of this, combined with Aaron’s traveling to various conferences (three this semester) AND his creating digital graphics for a textbook has made our family life a little tough.

Our work lives have flip-flopped.  Last fall, I was the one working three freelance jobs in an attempt to make ends meet.  Now Aaron is working two full-time jobs PLUS a part-time gig to make things work.

It’s been exhausting but the good thing is that it is all temporary.

Sure, it is difficult now but the good thing about it–and a good thing about working theatre–is that it is cyclical.  We go through all of this work to get a show open, but once it is open there is the sweet moment of relief.  We get to exhale.  Then we start it all again.  The same can kind of be said about working in academia.  The semester is tough, but it does come to an end and you get to start all over next semester.

Right now, the school year has ended for Aaron.  We are starting on our next show together–and this time we will be working together in the same shop at the same time!  During daylight hours and everything!  Rejoice!

Sure the summer will have its own challenges–figuring out Porter’s health issues, for one–but I am looking forward to seeing what our summer has to offer.

Onward and upward!

I am so saddened by the passing of Adam Yauch–MCA of the Beastie Boys–that I decided that I needed to write about it.  And with that, a new series on the blog was born!  I’m calling it “What Makes Me, Me” and it will feature all sorts of things that I like or enjoy, things that no doubt I will school my son about when he is ready.

I was in high school when I really connected with the music of the Beastie Boys.  While my classmates were throwing themselves into the grungy sounds of Pearl Jam, Stone Temple Pilots, Smashing Pumpkins and mourning the death of Kurt Cobain, I was listening to Weezer, Beck and the Beastie Boys.  All of these artists have something in common–in my opinion, at least.  They all have a sense of humor.  I think that maybe what I really love about the Beastie Boys the most: they never took themselves too seriously.  When they hit the scene in the early 80s as a punk band turned hip-hop group they had a cocky, obnoxious teenager vibe.  Though they definitely matured over the years (going as far as changing the less tasteful lyrics of their early songs to lyrics that were more respectful, in recent years) they never, ever lost their sense of playfulness.  But it wasn’t all fun and games with the Beasties; they turned out some amazingly well-crafted albums.  Though they liked to be goofy, they took their music seriously.

The Beasties also provided much of  the soundtrack to my life–especially my late teens and early 20s.  I have spent many hours, working late into the night, listening to music of the Beastie Boys.  I’ve spent long car rides by myself with the Beastie Boys.  Listening to the Beastie Boys instantly makes me think of Hilary, Jen, Kelly, Casey and countless other friends whom I never get to see anymore.

Through the music of the Beastie Boys also developed a love of hip-hop and turntablism and discovered artists, DJs and music I never would have known otherwise.

Thanks, Adam.  Rest In Piece.

Suggested listing:

Sabotage, off of the album Ill Communication:

First off, one of the best music videos of all time.  The Beasties appreciated fake mustaches way before the hipsters did.  Secondly, the guttural yell in the middle of the song makes me feel like the floor has dropped out from underneath me–in a good way.  There is something about it that makes me get in touch with angst that I never even knew I had…

Paul’s Boutique: 

It is one of those albums best enjoyed straight through.  In my younger years, I spent way too much time trying to figure out the source for each and every sample used–but there are just too many.  B-Boy Bouillabaisee is  my favorite track.  On the section entitled “Year and A Day”, Adam Yauch, AKA MCA, recites the following lyrics which seem particularly poignant now…

M.C. for what I am and do
the A is for Adam and the lyrics; true

So as I pray and hope and the message is sent
and I am living in the dreams that I have dreamt
because I’m down with the three the unstoppable three
me and Adam and D. were born to M.C.

And my body and soul and mind are pure
Not polluted or diluted or damaged beyond cure
Just lyrics from I to you recited
Arrested, bailed but cuffed and indicted

Enter the arena as I take center stage
The lights set low and the night has come of age
Take the microphone in hand as that I am a professional
Speak my knowledge to the crowd and the ed. is special

For I am a bard but not the last one
I’m my own king and this is my castle
Dwell in realms of now but vidi those of the past
Seen a glimpse from ahead and I don’t think it’s gonna last…

We found out yesterday that Porter will be going for his sleep study July 10.  Apparently, the sleep laboratories (there are two locations in the area) are booked solid until then.  And Porter will be going to the lab 30 miles north of us.  I am a little disappointed about having to take him to the northern location.  I was really hoping he would be going to the sleep center in town.

I had no idea the wait would be this long,  but until then we will just keep an eye on his breathing and sleeping and continue to hope for the best.  Porter certainly isn’t letting whatever his breathing issues are hold him back.  He is still a happy and incredibly active three year old.  He just happens to snore like an old man!

If you missed Friday’s post, let me quickly bring you up to speed:

At Porter’s 36 month check-up on Friday, Aaron and I talked to the doctor about Porter’s breathing.  He  breathes through his mouth a lot, lets out some big snores for a little guy and Aaron noticed once that Porter stopped breathing for a few seconds while napping in the care.  After hearing our concerns, the doctor suggested Porter get a lateral neck x-ray so we could really see what was going on in his airway.  Porter did great at his x-ray appointment!

On Monday we found out the x-ray results.  Porter’s adenoids and tonsils are definitely enlarged so we were referred to an Ears, Nose and Throat doctor (an otolaryngologist) whom we saw yesterday.  We could see on the x-ray that Porter’s airway is very, very narrow because the adenoids are just so big.  The doctor said that the adenoids may need to come out but what she can’t tell right now is if the tonsils should come out too, so Porter needs to go in for a Sleep Study.

What is a Sleep Study, you ask?

Porter needs to stay overnight at the hospital or sleep center so he can have his sleep monitored.  The doctors need to see just how he is breathing so they can make sure that they are choosing the best way to proceed with surgery, etc.  He won’t be alone–either Aaron or I will be sleeping in the room with him–and he will be hooked up to all sorts of monitors and sensors so the staff can get as much data as possible.  You can read more about the specifics here.

We are waiting from a call from the Sleep Lab to arrange Porter’s stay so we don’t know when he is going quite yet.  Of course I am nervous about it–especially because only ONE parent can attend the study.  Do I go with Porter and not sleep all night because I will be fraught with worry?  Or do I stay home and worry all night about both Aaron AND Porter while they are at the study?

Tough choice!

Yesterday’s appointment was a little rough on Porter.  Everything was fine until the nurses and doctor wanted him to open up and say “Ah!”  He wasn’t havin’ it.  He especially hates the tongue depressors.  Luckily I think there won’t be too many tongue depressors involved in the Sleep Study!

Have you or your kids participated in a sleep study?  I’d love to hear about it!

Porter got pretty lucky this year.  Because of Aaron’s and my complicated work schedules and because Porter’s birthday fell on a Sunday, we celebrated his birthday on several different occasions.

Porter didn’t seem to mind!

On April 15, Porter’s actual birthday, we started the day with presents!

And after breakfast Porter helped Daddy put together his present from Mamaw and Papaw–the Anchors Away Pirate Ship Water Table!

Then Porter had to try it out–just to make sure it was working properly, of course!

Once we changed Porter back into dry clothes, we went out for a special birthday lunch.  What Porter didn’t know was that a surprise would be waiting for him afterward!

After lunch, we took Porter to the park and where Aaron and I gave him his big gift from us: a tricycle!

Porter is just a tad too small for the tyke, so didn’t get the hang of peddling right away–but he still had a good time pulling his bike around the park.

After the park we went home and had cupcakes before Aaron had to go to work.  Porter blew out the candle before we even put the cupcake down in front of him!

On Monday, Porter brought mini-cupcakes to daycare where his classmates sang to him while they enjoyed their special treat!

The show that Aaron and I were working on finally opened on Saturday, so on Sunday we had a little party at the house for Porter with a few close friends.  The highlight of the party was the Thomas Coal Car cake I ordered from Oakmont Bakery.

We had a great time celebrating with our friends–even if Porter did retire to his room to play trains by himself from time to time!

And what Porter doesn’t know yet, is that this weekend we are heading to central NY state for a brief visit with my side of the family so it is likely that the birthday celebration will continue!

This summer I will celebrate my three year Postpartum Depression (PPD) anniversary.  In July it will be three years since I admitted to my husband that something was wrong and that I needed help.  I feel like I’ve come a long way since then.  With the help of medication, counseling and the support of my husband and all of you who read this blog, I made it through.

A lot time has passed and many things have happened since then: a 1000 mile move, new place to live, new jobs, new challenges.  I’ve been just living my life.   Though it did make me a stronger person, PPD is no longer something that is in the forefront of my thoughts.  Days do go by where I don’t think about it.  So the other night I was very surprised when I was at the theatre, quietly sobbing in the audience because I knew just how the main character felt.

Now, I will admit that I am a very emotional theatre-goer, a very sensitive art patron.  I get weepy wandering through art museums.  I am easily moved to tears at live performances–even happy ones.  It’s hard for me to explain.  I just love sitting in the audience and knowing that all of us–the audience and the performers–we are here for two hours to experience something together.  I find it really magical and I’m often moved to tears before I even see the production.

I am used to that sort of catharsis.

What I am not used to is totally connecting to a character, as I did while watching a production of Sarah Ruhl’s In the Next Room or the vibrator play–which Aaron and I both spent the last 4-6 weeks working on.  A subplot to the story is about Dr. Givings wife, Mrs. Givings, dealing with her feelings of inadequacy as a mother.  The family has a newborn baby girl, their first child, and Mrs. Givings doesn’t seem to be producing enough milk to keep their daughter well-fed.  Dr. Givings suggests they find a wet nurse to keep their baby healthy.  Mrs. Givings is left feeling disconnected from her baby girl and like she is failing as a mother–and as a woman.  Her husband, a man of science and logic, doesn’t have any clue about the pain his wife is feeling.  Dr. Givings definitely has the best interests of the baby in mind, but he just doesn’t realize what a complicated, emotional issue it is for Mrs. Givings.

I knew how Mrs. Givings felt for I had that same struggle while breastfeeding Porter.  There wasn’t enough milk and that made me feel like I wasn’t enough–not enough as a mother, a wife, a woman.

I have never felt a feeling of such failure.

Those feeling of failure directly fueled my Postpartum Depression.

And all of those feelings–of failure, of fear, of disconnectedness–came to the surface in the dark of the theatre.  Even though Porter just turned three last week, all of those feelings poured out of me fresh and raw.  Because I worked on the show and my coworkers were in the audience I just wanted to run out of the theatre and hide.  But I didn’t.  I stayed, crying as quietly as possible, dabbing my tears and gripping Aaron’s knee.  He had given me a little head’s up about some of the scenes presented because he had sat through technical rehearsals and I had not.

So you may be thinking, “But Lori, don’t you read the plays you are working on before you see them?” and to that I answer no, not always.  Should I?  Probably, but honestly I don’t always have the time–especially since I am a department of one.  There is always something more pressing to do!  Also it is nice to not know everything about a production, that way when I see it in performance there are some surprises for me.  I knew the overview of the play, but that doesn’t really compare to seeing talented actors bring the words of the script to life.  The story is much more real that way.

Overall, I am glad I saw the play and I am very, very proud of my work (and Aaron’s too!) on this show and with this company.  But it does go to show that no matter how far I think I am away from the grip of Postpartum Depression, it really is just in the next room–waiting for me to let it in.  Luckily, I know how to lock the door and I hope that someday I can throw away that key.

I think Porter must be the only kid who loves to go to the doctor.  Part of his enthusiasm for our pediatrician visits is due to their kick-ass kid-friendly office.  There are wall murals, cool toys mounted on the walls in the waiting room and bright colors everywhere.  Not to mention that all of the staff are genuinely friendly and good at what they do.

He woke up on Friday morning and the first thing he said was, “We are goin’ to the doctor today!”

Friday was also special because all three of us had the day off.  No daycare for Porter, no work for me and no classes for Aaron (though he did have to do a little work because he is literally working three jobs right now.)  We have been together for all but one (I think) of Porter’s well baby check-up since he has been born.  Just like Aaron was with me for all of my OB appointments when I was pregnant.  We all are very supportive of one another!

We arrived at the office and things were pretty quiet–probably because the weather was gorgeous and people would rather be out enjoying it!  We had a nurse we had never had before followed by a doctor who was also new to us.  Our regular Physician’s Assistant, who has seen us for almost every visit–even all of the ear infection ones, was stuck in traffic and wasn’t going to be able to see us.  We were a little disappointed because we like him!  The nurse checked Porter’s blood pressure with a new machine and the results were a little low.  The doctor came in and said that his height reading seemed off given Porter’s previous measurement and that she would double-check that (but that never happened.)

Everything about this visit just seemed a little bit “off.”

Finally, she asked us if we had any questions and Aaron asked about Porter’s breathing.  We’ve both notice that Porter breathes through his mouth a lot.  We weren’t sure if this is because of his seasonal allergies and he is just too stuffy to breathe through his nose or if there was something else going one.  We also mentioned that Porter breathes heavily and even snores pretty loudly for a kid his size.  But the real concern happened not too long ago when Porter fell asleep in the car.  Aaron swore that Porter stopped breathing for a few seconds, so naturally we were concerned if sleep apnea could be an issue.

After hearing our concerns, the doctor decided to look into Porter’s throat again.  However, Porter wasn’t having it.  He was having trouble opening up, sticking his tongue out and saying “Ah!” all at once.  She laid him back on the table and attempted to hold his tongue down with a tongue depressor, but boy, he didn’t like that either!  The doctor did get a glimpse of his tonsils and said they were “good-sized” and suggested that we take P for a lateral neck x-ray.

Better to be safe than sorry.

We went home and made some phone calls and were able to get Porter to the x-ray technician around noon.  This place dealt exclusively with kids so the technicians were really great.  We had told Porter than he was going to get an x-ray and that the ladies were going to take a picture of the inside of his body to make sure that he was healthy.  He was pretty excited about it and was completely cooperative.  He had x-rays of his intestines back in July of 2010 when he had come terrible virus that was making him sick, but of course he couldn’t remember that experience.  This time around he got to lay back on a “special pillow” that held his head straight.  He also got a “special blanket” that covered him from the waist down.  The hardest part was getting him to tilt his head back while also keeping his mouth shut while breathing through his nose.

Porter did great and was awarded Nemo stickers for his efforts!  Aaron and I also praised him up and down for being such a good boy–both at the doctor and at the x-ray office.

We were told that we would hear the results of the x-rays on Friday afternoon, but that didn’t happen.  As many of you have said on the I Can Grow People Blog Facebook Page, maybe no news is good news?  We hope that we hear something by Monday.  Porter had quite a few ear infections just like my brother did when he was a kid.  My brother not only ended up needing tubes in his ears (twice) but he also had his tonsils and adenoids out when he was little too.  It has been over a year since P’s last ear infection, but I can’t help wondering if Porter will need his tonsils and adenoids out also.  My dad had his tonsils and adenoids out too–much, much later in life though.  So, you never know…

Hopefully we will find out on Monday if we have anything to be really concerned about.  Until then, we are prepping for a little birthday party for Porter tomorrow.  A Birthday Wrap Up post will happen soon!

Hey.  Remember this?

Hard to believe that same little baby burrito is now this:

What Porter is Wearing:

• Finally growing out of those size 24 months pants.  I think he is outgrowing a pair a day!
• Still in size 6 diapers…
• Size 2T and 3T shirts
• Still size 8 shoes
• Still in 2T pajamas

What Porter is Eating:

• Strawberries, apples, grapes, oranges
• Raw veggies only: cucumber, celery, carrots, lettuce
• Has given up on chicken of all kinds.
• Meatballs are still okay.
• So are tacos.
• Salami and bacon are still favored as well.
• Would eat cheese and pickles for every meal if I let him.
• Bread, biscuits and buns of any kind are accepted.
• Tried his first jelly beans on Easter weekend!
• We try to get him to try foods he hasn’t tried before.  His response?  ”I can’t.”  Or “I don’t like those.”

What Porter is Saying:

• It seems as though Porter is connecting with his Tallahassee roots since he seems to have developed  Southern accent.  Only certain words though.  It is like he adds in a syllable.  Can’t is now cay-int.  Down is now day-own.   Aaron thinks Porter is slowing sounding like Paula Deen.
• Porter says all sorts of funny things nowadays; it’s hard to keep track of it all.  Tonight at bathtime he was calling me Computer.
• “I can’t” is an often heard phrase in our house these days.  ”I can’t pick up my toys.”  ”I can’t wear underwear.”  ’I can’t eat this.”
•  Porter can, however, tell us how much he loves us.  ”I love you very much, Mom.”  And “I love YOU!  And you love ME?”  It’s adorable.

What Porter Likes These Days:

• The train that Aaron brought him back from Chattanooga.
• Going to see Mommy or Daddy at the theatre.
• Having one of his trains “listen” to stories as we read before bed.
• Cuddling on the before I get ready for work.

What Porter Doesn’t Like These Days:

• Using the potty at home other than bathtime.
• The mere mention of Pull-ups or underwear.
• Eating anything we order him when we go out to eat with the chips and salsa, celery, french fries, lettuce or cheese being the exceptions.
• Getting read for daycare.

What Porter is Doing:

• We’ve reached this really awkward phase with Porter and my boobs.  In the last week he has started fluffing them like pillows, saying “Ooh, cozy” and then burying his head in my chest.  We’ve talked about how cuddling with mommy is okay, but touching me–or anyone– like that is not okay.  I’ve talked to him and Aaron and has talked to him, but he did it again tonight.  I think we may have to start putting him in Time Out for it…
• Singing a call-and-respond version of Harry Belafonte’s “Banana Boat Song (Day-O)”
• Doing a great job using the potty at daycare one to three times a day.
• Consistently uses the potty every night at bathtime.  He actually gets excited to use the potty at that time.
• Singing songs from The Cat in the Hat Knows A Lot About That.
• Cleaning up pretend messes.
• Doing a really well consistently using forks and spoons!